the analyst

a kitchen ..somewhat of a well ordered hovel ..a short spry young man fries tofu in a small pan on an ancient gas stove ..arranging the pieces into a quincunx after methodically turning them in exactly the same way ..a small television on a bench is silently showing cartoons ..the colour tint all wrong ..he is talking to himself ..as well as uttering directions into a full length mirror ..his suit is a little large for his small frame ..and a decade out of fashion ..he approaches the mirror peering disdainly over his wire frame glasses

” extreme close up ..whatcha got there honey! ..hhmmm ..did you write this? ..[aggressively] ..did you write this? ..huh ..huh! ..swishpan ..oh there’s a problem all right ..who do I think I am? ..huh ..well I do this for a living  ..fool  ..yeah  ..yeah  ..I did a ten week course sister ..cost me nine hundred bucks  ..yeah ..yeah ..do you know how much they pay me to do this shit?  ..huh ..seventy bucks a script ..shazam! ..and another one bites the dust! ..yeah baby ..from page to screen I can knock off three a day ..I am the gatekeeper kapiche ..matchcut ..from laptop to cowboyshot ..[quickdraws a yo-yo]   ..longshot”

[walking the dog as he moonwalks back to the stove] ..he carries the pan over to the table and loads the tofu next to the salad on his plate ..he spends quite some time arranging the food to his satisfaction ..then after taking his ADHD medication ..he commences to eat

[calmy] “..white space ..see ..white space ..you got too much goin’ on here ..look at this ..[holding up a napkin] ..there’s way too much text here ..look honey ..I got a short attention span ..all these words are makin me claustrophobic see  ..you’re defying the architechtonics of our template ..you’re pressin’ buttons I didn’t even know I had ..them studio execs ..they all got the same buttons as me ..get it ..thats how come I got this gig ..understand me ..and you understand them ..whats my gig? ..[evil laughter] ..whats my gig? ..martini shot!  ..contrazoom! ..[thousand yard stare] ..I’m a story analyst ..”

Holiday

Holiday

flying ..it only seems real when I’m sitting in the cockpit ..we’re in first class so I don’t really care ..getting it all down for posterity on my handycam ..oblivious to the cascade of conversations swirling around me
..our group has won a 10 day snowboarding holiday ..courtesy of some wacked out cable TV show ..I’m gettin’ used to the tripped out hand that life deals to people like me ever since I took over the Freak Outreach Center after ‘Louie the flame’ had his burnout ..I’m not a health professional or anything like that ..only have a diploma of applied paragnosis ..I do it for the laughs really -besides some patients are just too funny to cure ..our motto is ‘deviance is the new normal’ ..and to tell the truth I feel quite at home with these folks now ..we only use nicknames -given like a badge of honour if you somehow manage to fit in
..Golden ears is our resident ecouteurist -never been the same since that time he disguised himself as a tree to spy on some feral wiccans in the wild …some of them turned out to be dendrophiles ..on his left is Houdini ..yeah the one looking over his shoulder ..with a smile on his face ..can’t hold down a steady job or relationship ..just can’t commit ..-phygephilia ..that couple over there ..Heckle and Jeckle ..touchy and insensitive ..she’s often really crass and arrogant and sometimes he’s just a nasty bitch ..gender dysphoria ..over there is Cyrano ..he’s into erotographomania as well as erotomania ..the first thing he ever said to me was ‘don’t look at me ..I’m hideous’ ..the hottie by the window is Messalina ..one of a kind ..she’s into zelophilia as well as dacrophilia ..not to mention timophilia … on my left is Coochie Coo ..she has a thing for knismolagnia ..what can I say ..she’s lotsa fun and makes me laugh ..across the aisle over there is Manga ..yeah you guessed it ..oculophilia ..and beside him is the very mystical Madame Blavatsky ..she likes dreamin’ and …well …psycholagny actually ..on her left is Hollywood ..yeah -with the tinfoil beret ..the life of the party ..got a little thing goin’ on with castophrenia ..but we won’t hold that against him ..well thats it for now ..can’t really say too much on the fly like this ..besides one can’t afford to be too equivocal ’round these sorta folks ..

Glossary

castophrenia: belief that ones thoughts are being stolen

dacrophilia: arousal from crying

dendrophilia: arousal from trees or tree worship

ecouteurism: arousal from eavesdropping sexual activities

erotographomania: arousal from writing love letters or poems

erotomania: arousal from an uninterested person or stranger

gender dysphoria: behaviour matching the opposite sex

knismolagnia: sexual arousal or gratification from tickling or being tickled

oculophilia: arousal from eyes

paragnosis: skill in matters immune to scientific investigation

phygephilia: arousal from being a fugitive

psycholagny: ability to achieve orgasm without physical stimulus

timophilia: arousal from money or wealth

zelophilia: arousal from jealousy

©Gregory Andrews 2009

you have the right to remain silent

[detective]   ‘you have the right to remain silent ..anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law ..you have the right to an attorney present during questioning ..if you cannot afford an attorney one will be appointed for you  ..do you understand these rights?’

[suspect] ‘well shit detective ..how much thought have you given them?’

[detective] ‘looks like we got a wise guy here ..I’d advise you not to get to cute ..understand?’

[suspect] ..just get me my attorney and we’ll do lunch ..big guy’

[40 minutes later he is joined by his attorney and the interview proceeds]

[suspect] ‘mind if I take notes?’ [ writing something on the first page of his notepad]

[detective] ‘I’d like to ask you some questions regarding your activities last night’

[suspect] ‘I may respond to some of your questions’ [..in a concilliatory tone]

[detective] ‘look this is a slam dunk ..we’ve got you at the scene of the crime ..we got the murder weapon ..why’d ya do it?’

[suspect] ‘you’ve asked me a direct question ..naturally you’re expecting a response but if I remained silent it wouldn’t be very pretty ..this is the politicization of silence ..if I don’t respond instantly it is taken to be an admission of guilt as a lack of denial ..in fact it would be even worse if I actually denied it later ..a non-adjacent denial ..not the preferred response ..its a basic little rule of conversation analysis ..all conversations have been found to be made up of little rules ..it involves the concept of turns otherwise known as adjacency pair structures  ..your initiation of it is called the first pair part ..my response or turn ..would be known as the second pair part   ..your strategy seeks to turn an act of voluntary co-operation into involuntary compliance ..good luck with that’

[detective] ‘you’re a pretty sharp dude ..evading my questions ..seems suspicious ..got something to hide?’

[suspect] [writing something on the second page of his notepad] ‘well ..you are paid to be vexatious with you’re reasoning..arent you?..just like a lawyer [winking at his lawyer] ..in my case ..its all for free’ [smiling]

[detective] ‘we know you’ve been harassing his informants ‘

[suspect] ‘look ..if I asked you a question ..you’d only play ball insofar as your second pair part was only some kind of clarifying response ..otherwise ..you’d fail to offer an adjacent response ..now.. you’re  misinterpreting  something I did or said or didn’t say ..in fact you’ve been trained to ..the preferred response here is for me to ‘let it go’ ..yet if I wish to clarify it at any later stage not only does it look worse ..sorta like I’m changing my story..it also falls outside the framework of your rule-set ..meaning you’re likely to respond with a disjunctive shift’

[detective] ‘you think this is some kind of a game ..a fucking joke ..smartass?’

[suspect] [holding up the first note taken earlier ..it reads 'you think this is some kind of a joke?']

[detective] ‘you just don’t give a fuck do ya [leaning in close ..menacingly] ..listen professor ..I ain’t got time for this ..I got a dead undercover cop ..a family of seven that needs some answers ..and a bunch of cops out there ready to play hardball ..understand?’

[suspect] [holds up the second page ..it reads 'this is where you probably make some sort of sarcastic ad hominem ..possibly even insinuating a lack of basic humanity ..possibly even a thinly veiled threat' ..he screws up both pages into a tight little bundle and tosses them into the waste basket] ‘..you might want to get the fingerprints off that ..are we done here?’ [looking at his attorney]

[attorney] [on their way out] ‘you don’t like cops much ..do you?’ [a half smile]

[suspect] ‘I don’t have a problem with cops ..just some of their rule-sets’

the consultation

Opus

her 3 o’clock was waiting ..quickly changing from her pant suit into a silk top ..sheer stockings and micro skirt then positioning her chair just so near the couch she opens the door and ushers him inside   ..her favourite client ..he shuffles in ..unkempt and slightly disturbed ..he tells her he had the weirdest dream -something like a movie and would like her thoughts on it ..younger than her she liked everything about him except his argot ..she gestures toward the couch with a reassuring smile

‘it all starts out like I’m this journo dude ..for years and years the city’s been terrorised by ..like this serial killer ..we call him the The Happy Cat Killer ‘cos he always draws like a Felix the cat face at every crime scene ..naturally there’s like loads of copycat killers ..known locally as Leotards ..but this dude is real clever right ..sure the public know that every seventh victim is positioned theatrically alongside the composite assembly of trophies taken from the previous victims ..but what they don’t know is that the dude always stuffs some sheet music he wrote in every victims mouth ..thats how the cops know he’s the Happy Cat Killer ..see ..so I know this cop she’s not real cute and don’t get out much ..I play her right ..just to get the guff on the investigation ..thats how I know ..anyways you know how I went to the conservatorium n’shit right ..so I gets her to copy the manuscripts so I can study ‘em right ..thats when I discover that whoever wrote it took particular care over the Viola da gamba parts ..just beautiful ..I mean only a virtuoso could play stuff like that ..so I take a punt that Happy Cat is a Viola player …meanwhile he’s killin’ peeps and firin’ off sarcastic letters to the mainstream press all about how freakin’ dumb the cops are ..tauntin’ em n’stuff noamsayin ..I’m researchin every viola player in town ..till I come upon this one virtuoso that only ever recorded stuff ..was a complete enigma ..no-one even knew what he looked like ..so he like just disapeared from the scene years ago ..I track him down ..no sign of the dude ..then I get a phone call ..its him ..he asks me to meet him in an underground carpark knowing that I ain’t gonna tell the cops ‘cos it’s my big break right ..so I’m there waiting ..in the frikkin dark ..an I can tell you I’m so scared I’m already tryin’ to wake up ..suddenly the place is flooded with light I can barely see ..then there’s this shadow ..his shadow ..like he’s some kind of freakin’ giant in a cloak and cowl..his voice is dark ..he calls me by name and talks all about stuff I thought nobody knew about me ..I’m so offended ..insulted that I rush toward the light and stumble over this freakin dwarf in a cape standin on a chair ..he pulls a gun on me and I know I’m for it ‘cept these like Israeli security dudes ..who I’ve already told you about ..waste the guy right there ..and then the next thing I know I’m stumblin around the university in some kind of stupor ..can’t remember anything but my name and I’m asking these dudes where Meridian House is ‘cos all I’ve got on me is this key with a tag and a room number to the place and they’re laughin’ at me sayin shit like ‘hahah ..dude ..you’re out there man ..you’ve been cut up’ ..so they take me to this cafe called the ‘Babe cafe’ ..where this squirly old chick serves us coffee at like 3.30 in the mornin ..and all through this dream there’s this like song goin’ on ..acoustic guitar with this really sorta cynical feral voice ..really deep ..singin’ stuff like

‘fell through the sky ..winged from a lie
walked down wet streets ..no shoes on my feets
drunk as a skunk ..’least thats what I thunk
for every good thing I done a bad thing
where is my son ..whats he done with my gun’

just when I’m thinkin ..where’s the freakin’ chorus ..the tenor kicks in ..some Irish dude who suddenly goes all alto on their asses ..and I’m like ‘nooooo!’ ..so these dudes finally take me to my room ..and its really weird ..the floor is like so spongy I’m up to my ankles in carpet ..and there’s no TV ..so I go out to the common area ..and theres my TV with my room number on it ..and some grungy dude watchin the other one ..and I’m all like ‘is that my TV?’ ..and he’s like ’sure ..it’s been here for ages’ ..so to start up a converstion I say ‘I’m here for the infrastructure ..how about you?’ ..and he goes ‘I’m studyin’ sportscastin’ ..real mumbly like he’s embarrased about it ..so I take the TV back to my room and take a powernap ..and then I woke up’

His psychiatrist seems puzzled ..looking at her watch she says ..’look ..we’ve run way past time ..but we can continue this later if you’d like ..wanna catch a movie?’

©Gregory David Andrews 2009

flickertease

Swift Metempsychosis

A young man on his way home after a heavy night of serious drinking falls asleep behind some topiary near the footpath ..he is awoken to hear a racist and crazed tirade being uttered by a very nasty and disturbed woman who then lays a malicious curse upon his people ..unaware that she has been overheard by an extremely vicious revenant warlock in his 78th incarnation

[I'm thinking Toby MacGuire would be cool as the warlock]

A Princely thing

A struggling actor finally achieves staggering success in his first major role and is catapulted to stardom ..having concealed a violent and murderous past as a cage fighter  ..after watching the girl of his dreams being slowly destroyed by paparrazi he tips off his victims with exclusive scoops regarding his ‘whereabouts’ …and one by one collects increasingly gruesome trophies

[this would be really cool if it had Mickey Rourke or Woody Harrelson playing the lead]

The Associationists

Party Animals
When archrivals learn that they were twins in a past life ..they set about seducing each others electorate.

South of the border
An unsuspecting wizard is run out of town by a violently angry group of women when they learn he has come to undo an enchantment that left their menfolk speechless.

The Associationists
A mans sense of self worth becomes enhanced every time he associates himself as added value to an enterprise ..he becomes so intoxicated that he makes annual pilgrimages to himself.

The Tutor
A sneak thief having gained entry to a secluded mansion discovers it to be completely empty apart for an ancient old man asleep in a vintage wheelchair ..the old man crumbles to ashes after the thief steals his watch ..when he puts it on he is suddenly transformed into an ancient old man ..too feeble to remove his watch

Cthulish dreams
The day to day serenity of a Kraken is reduced to chaos when one by one her tentacles develop minds of their own.

Rock Star Support Group

of course by this time they were all quite familiar with each others trauma ..they met as often as they could ..quite an achievement really ..considering some of them were still getting gigs ..most of them tho’ were content with their philanthropic works ..it made a lot of sense to give something back ..took some of the pain away ..Suedefish was the first to arrive ..he just sat there playing that lick from ‘belly button window’ on his Obamacaster® ..waiting for the others ..they met at Frothingtons ..in a teak panelled room sporting an enormous fireplace ..persian carpets ..ageless furniture ..cigar smoke hung about the place ..now and then the tinkling of glass on glass ..a pretty cellist barely audible over by the waterfall ..by 5pm they’d all arrived …sitting as close to the fireplace as comfort would permit ..as usual it started with them all catching up on each others activities ..this time Slick Velour ex frontman from Glimmering Authority spoke of his charitable foundation ..’The School for Ugly Children’ ..seeking and recieving support and validation ..first to start the session was CC Foxdazzle of Hickjacket ..he spoke of his ongoing addiction with powdery or shiny things ..how he’d come a long way since last time but still had a ways to go ..one after the other they spoke of their personal hardships and as usual DiamondTexta just sat there ..as if in shadows ..saying nothing ..not joining in ..Suedefish finally has a crack at him ..’Diamond you’ve said nothing again ..seriously dude ..why do you even bother coming man..we’ve all had the guts and good graces to open up to each other..’ ..now the others are all starting in on him ..despair and frustration clouding his visage until MC Juan Afterelle sofly asks him ..’you know ..now ..don’t you ..c’mon Diamond ..we’re here for you man’.. Diamond is now nodding ..gesturing with his hands ..’enough already ..ok ..ok ..its hard for me dudes ..but yeah ..I think I’ve made a breakthrough..’ ..he lays his hands helplessy in his lap ..keeping his eyes low ..’..you know they said I’d never do another album like ‘Quintessential Salmon Elevator’ ..and it’s true man ..I’ve been struggling ..like I lost my mojo or something ..its like I’m always travelling and never getting anywhere’ ..he wipes at a shy tear ..’..so I tried to take a good look at myself ..and ..[more tears] ..I learned something that ..I dunno .. I guess I should have known all along’ ..he leaves them there ..hanging on a thread ..they erupt again ..calling for him to get it off his chest ..’ …ok ..ok’ ..he is close to hyperventilating ..’..last night ..sitting there trying to write ..looking at what I was trying to do .. I realised ..oh man this is tough .. I realised I’ve always wished I was ..Joe Strummer’ now the tears are flowing freely ..silently ..next to him Suedefish leans in ..drawing him into a hug ..Diamond grimaces, his eyes squintly little stars, as that first ..always silent cry heralds a bout of whimpering’ …suddenly MC Juan Afterelle is crying too ..openly ..shamelessly  ..sobbing ‘ ..aaw..Diamond..dude …                 ..I wish you were Joe Strummer too’

…tell the other Directors what you saw

time out was called ..swatting at yet another mosquito, skip said something to the male lead ..they both disappeared into his trailer ..everyone else went to lunch with the real stars …the caterers ..inside the van Mr filmstar was being dressed down ..skip had left the air con on ..they’d cracked a six pack ..’your delivery of key lines is shearing towards the wooden’ ..the actor asks for an example ..’the line ..whoah ..I just divided 60 by 1.32 and got 45.45454545 etcetera,  I feel like Pythagoras dude ..what are the chances of that?’ ..the actor interjects ..’ aaw c’mon man ..I put a lot of emphasis there’ ..’yeah’ says skip ..’the wrong kind of emphasis ..the punter needs to know that not only does this guy love numbers ..they love him’ ..the actor is laughing now ‘..c’mon  ..dude ..eheh ..who sez shit like that anyhow ..eheh ..and what’s he doing in the freakin jungle anyway?’   ..skip is already into his second beer ..’right ..this is how it’s gonna be ..think rgb ..red green blue   ..red is toned by anger or …decisiveness ..green is toned by passion ..obsession ..madness ..blue is toned with despair  ..angst ..regret ..you got that? ..we’re gonna shoot everything 3 times ..in red ..green ..blue ..are you up with that?’ ..the actor is stunned ..silent for a pause ..breaking into a grin, saying ..’I like it’

eight weeks later ..an extraordinary parallax of coincidences ocurred.. if you were lucky enough to observe their simultaneity ..during post production ..skip was over the moon ..’there’s enough here for two good movies at least’ ..dollar signs in his smiling eye’s

hope …not dread

straight up ..they’d gotten off on the wrong foot …he’d almost compromised his mission right there …it took such a lot of finesse to bring it back from the brink ..for a while there he thought she’d never speak to him again ..in a very short space of time he’d learnt how sophisticated and subtle the dainty humours of these strange and cosmopolitan people had somehow become ..a prince disguised as a jester is usually a prince well out of his comfort zone ..his performance thus far showed him to be no exception to the rule ..he’d gone to these extraordinary lengths to covertly observe the complex choreographies of the dandified nobles of the Wiccan court ..he wanted to make an entrance   ..needed to make a splash ..so he chose the most beautiful girl there ..a platinuum blond angel with 4 foot dreadlocks  ..he’d gone dashing along after her ..sliding the last 10 m on his knees ..till he was beside her ..tugging at her hair  ..saying ‘hope  ..hoooope …[eyes imploring]  …not….  dread …noooot dread’ ..he was instantly set upon by numerous guards …who manhandled him into an ante-chamber ..where he was presently questioned by some quite sinister folk until he was eventually rescued by the young woman he’d surprised ..who turned out to be a Princess …discreetly whispering to him ..’I know who you are …Rufus ..what is your business here?..’I can assure you I didn’t know who you were ..and for that I am now most contrite ..I am receiving so much conflicting counsel that I decided to come and have a look see myself ..early discovering the full measure and scale of so much ill advice ..you have nothing to fear from me beyond a sense of humour that would rather have you school me than otherwise  

broken pipe

Portrait of Christian Bale and Michael Phelps

Uncanny ain’t it ..that the kind of thing that set Christian Bale off happened at all on one of the most major productions of that year ..it must be the bane of any top level actor to have to deal with such things when almost everyone on set knows that an actors ideal is to nail a performance in one take ..-if they can..it should be everyones ideal ..tho’ I’m surprised he didn’t just take 20 minutes off to chill.. reminding everyone that the longer it takes the more it’s going to cost   ..soooo while I’m here I may as well hold forth on the topic of Michael Phelps …who seems to be enjoying almost universal support for his faux pas ..he can have mine too …just don’t bogart that joint dude ..seriously ..the outraged should consider the kind of money involved when one adds the potential taxable revenue from legalising the ‘erb to the combined costs of policing it as well as court costs as well as corrective services costs..but hey ..it’s not like the governments of this world are having money problems right?

Performance enhancing? …c’moooon …have a cantaloupe    ..the guy is clean..get over it  – must be the unhappy Stepford wives with ‘role model’ expectations that are the most disappointed ..as for sponsorship repercussions ..tell me it isn’t like he just massively broadened his appeal ..I was actually going to quickly pen a little vignette featuring Phelps and Bale onset together …acting …-playing a pair of plumbers …repairing a pipe … they take a short bong break ..and Phelps breaks the bong ..naturally Bale goes ballistic ..bringing Phelps to tears ..but this is not enough for the cruel Bale ..whom has already sent ..by mobile ..a photo of Phelps bonging ..to their boss …then I thought ..no ..let them work it out between themselves …the bastards

on writing

Recently on the web there were numerous articles and exhibitions revolving around the writers workspace ..generally featuring desks and studies etc ..my apartment has an open plan ground floor …comprising the lounge and kitchen …it is the largest space in my home …it also has the new aircon.. I like to keep a clean desk ..I like to see space on it …which is why I love my wacom bamboo 6×9 pen tablet …its usually all that I use ..being able to put aside the cordless mouse and keypad ..I have 2 pc’s both connected to the same 22 inch LCD monitor ..one is always online ..the other almost never ..they are not networked ..at the moment I also use 4 notebooks ..red …green and yellow ..as well as another that is folio size ..sometimes I construct the work in notepad form before typing in to my offline pc ..using XP’s onscreen keyboard ..to undergo further rewriting ..otherwise it’s direct into my offline pc …oh, ocaissionally I write directly into the text editor of this blog ..usually when I’ve been drinking ..there are also numerous works commited only to memory itself ..because .. I’m like that ..I can write anywhere ..pretty much under almost any conditions ..so on ocaission I may be found writing in a bar ..tucked away in a booth somewhere ..just not so much these days ..

I sometimes work rewriting older ..more romantic pieces I wrote in my 20’s ..I am almost always listening to music when I write ..notably 181 classical guitar ..groovera ..secret agent lounge  ..Datempo lounge [all online] ..I often give voice to my writing by performing it as I’m writing it ..with little regard for what my neighbours might think ..I particularly enjoy fabricating convincing cathartic outbursts as a kind of hoax episode ..one never knows when one is being profiled and it’s always fun to flag soft spots of irresistable sensitivity for future reference ..you know …games people play and suchlike ..it’s also a way of adding something like drama to my fairly undramatic life ..I like humour and romance ..though I find it difficult to write about romance [as realities beyond ideals] when I’m not amorously connected to anyone ..this is why I enjoy rewriting my own accounts of love since lost ..I use Verse perfect …rhymezone ..and even mobysaurus ..as well as an old Oxford concise that has utterly deteriorated into something like a loose leaf heap of grubby neglect

D.O.A.

it was wrong…
…all so very wrong
inexplicably agitated ..unsettled
his scopic drive… subverted
oversaturated by red shifts
looking for something
…somehow not there
no longer a spectator
..yet somehow not an actor
no more superfluous jouissance in the mirror
a very real feeling of destiny
transformed into a looked at being
revisited by lost involvement
weak from ennui
he could take it no more
barely able to walk
he stumbles down dark streets of despair
faltering ..falling
seeking the expertise of only one man

…the masterful Dr Lacan

incredibly …against all pleasure
he finds him in his shabby clinic
begging him to run some tests
a specialist in metynomy
he is obliged to acquiesce

..he waits
not daring to hope
anxiety in his shallow breath

Dr Lacan returns
it is not good
.. he seems grim
surprised

“how bad is it …doc?”
suddenly so pale

“its liminal poisoning “
such sympathy in his voice

“give it to me straight ..doc ..how long have I got?”

young Perninni steals the show

Meet the Strangels

“all your figures are so beautiful.. innocent.. child-like.. you are a fine sculptor.. quite prodigious.. I hope I live till you are older..I want to see you finish some less divine examples of humanity.. someting with a bit more ooomph..rather faces that tell stories than fairy tails that tell faces”
the lad seemed to take it so well..inside he was furious… after begging leave of his master and patron.. he consoled himself in the arms of his sweetheart..
“everything I do.. I do old school ..that old prick uses the latest Holo-paint programs..with the kind of composite analysis wizards that tell you when the ears are too low.. or the elbows too long.. I’m gonna make my next ones outta real stuff.. using my bare fucking hands.. and little pointy sticks n’shit noamsayin?… when we have our next exhibition he’s gonna look like a fucking relic…”
and so it came to pass..some months later..the exhibition opened to uncertain acclaim and certain controversy ..the old masters holograms were always recieved with sentimental attention.. and this time he’d outdone himself with the sorriest collection of knaves and felons a millionare had ever studied.. and yet the public swarmed about the boys work.. ten small figurines.. made to look like dolls.. highlighted with groovy packaging and everything.. when the master found him he persuaded the boy to guide him through the works..
“I call them Strangels..this first one here is Equonon.. he’s the strangel of karmic disparity.. otherwise known as the anathema of philosophy.. with wings of stained glass.. an ’80’s style jet pilots helmet.. skate shorts.. black tee ..sandals and knee high white socks.. his fetish is infidelity ..ever wondered if anything goes on in there beyond the strange telemetry of skepticism?”
“this little lady is named Ashkura.. her fetish is pathomimesis.. loves to pretend she’s drowning in the pool.. very sexy ..she’s the strangel of dysfunctional innocence.. or rather -the anathema of psychology ..she has wings of velvet plushie ..translucent lingerie.. cats ears in her hair.. golf shoes..”
“here we have Faerasus..the strangel of critical misperception.. and the anathema of real politik ..his fetish is uncertainty .. or is it certainty.. wings of elastic.. camo fatigue pants..leather jacket.. moccasins..goatee..orange goggles.. an actual beret ..and look ..he’s carrying a kitten”
“cute as a button is Sothearus -strangel of gestalt exploitation or .. taran tara ..the anathema of sociology.. wings of Teflon.. oversize head.. large outsize eyes.. looks like a small child..but she’s ageless you know ..grey smear of a badly drawn smile.. reminiscent of the crow or the joker ..more of a seagull really.. carries a scarecrow plushie.. she’s hot for idiots “
“Esotaluna.. the strangel of wandering fixation ..the anathema of the dance -carousels get this one going .. wings of moodstone.. gold lycra micro-shorts ..topless apart from a pair of x’s taped over her nipples.. 8 inch heels when not wearing tap shoes.. elbow length black silk gloves ..carrying a water pistol of some kind ..perhaps a super soaker”
“Primapriori ..the inimitable strangel of divine inelegance ..anathema of consciousness.. she’s into massage ..wings of lava lamps ..neat huh.. hiking shoes.. psychadelic stripped leggings.. oversize turtleneck sweater.. dreadlocks.. carrying a butterfly net ..naturally”
“Next is sweet Neoteneo.. modelled on my girlfriend ..she’s into sundials ..not my girlfriend .. I mean.. wings of sharkskin..pink vinyl lederhosen ..would that be vinylhosen ..umm..white stockings.. pirate shirt.. snowboots.. greek fishermans hat in red velvet ..carrying candy cane ..she’s the strangel of ridiculous satori ..inevitably.. the anathema of art ..”
“Now this one was quite a challenge ..took forever to get her feet right ..Laersophrossi ..the strangel of ornamental wisdom ..also known as the anathema of music ..really into gadgets ..wings of fimo.. tie-die singlet.. loincloth.. combat boots.. carries a microphone”
“and so to Hypheulus.. anathema of history ..strangel of cosmic contempt ..his fetish is.. the last word ..wings of velcro ..baggy trousers ..tangerine hoody.. size ‘F’ clown shoes.. carries a backpack for his wings when his self loathing gets the better of him”
“finally we come to Cosimadeus ..matchless strangel of anthrocentric projection ..really an odd sort of fellow ..anathema of anthropology and all that ..deeply into vibrations ..knee length denim cut-offs ..gumboots ..rodeo shirt.. carrying a pichfork ..oh.. wings of knapped obsidian ..you know like those stone age arrow-heads ..oh I really liked your pieces by the way ..such a visceral appeal ..nothing sensualist at all about them ..bravo master ..bravo “

aliens know

If there’s one thing that characterises my childhood it would have to be books..my father is still a bibliophile and had a substantial science fiction collection when I was a 5 yo…I especially liked them as they had trippy cover illustrations that appealed to my fertile imagination ..I can recall being called in from the yard one fine day in 1969..my Mother thought I should see the delayed telecast of the first moon landing..I was surprised to learn that man had never been there till then..I guess I had a lot to learn..it seemed more scientific to me than anything else…my reading patterns quickly developed their own predispositions..I was already somewhat of a purist with regards to literature by the time I was 12 and regarded most science fiction as little more than pulp fiction..it amazes me to think on how many of such works some SF buffs may have read by the time they are like 80 or something..thinking on this..just this morning..I wondered how many stories this or that novelist or scriptwriter or film maker has read..how certain they may or may not be when they assume they are dealing with an original concept or treatment..what qualities determine their expertise etc..it seems futile to speculate when so many science fiction fans are more than happy to see/read multiple tellings of the same story..variations on the same theme etc..I’m wondering if they ever get around to factoring in the possibility that some of the viewers/readers have that level of familiarity with the genre or if they even care..

heh..tho’ I must say at this point..that if some of those people have moved on from the genre because they feel that their special needs are no longer being adequately catered to..then someone may very well have done them a favour.. :]

poor little match girl

Trust in the tale
A drunken and delinquent angel takes an already disturbed matchgirl on a tour of Hades.

Misery cuts
A malignant narcissist..gainfully employed by a popular webnews site..struggles to keep a clear boundary between her online cover story and her real identity when she falls for a celebrity psychiatrist

Clownshop 9
Natural comedy is on the verge of disappearing after a new style unique to ‘Clownshop 9′ -the industry standard in visual gag software.. becomes increasingly ubiquitous

Heart for love
After 6 years of abstinence a shaman finds his spirit finally returned to an adolescent state where he is vulnerable enough to love again.. through a series of almost perfect liaisons he learns he is not so vulnerable that he can love anyone other than his soulmate.

Spinal Draft

Spinal Draft
An elite team of crack scriptwriters are selected to beta test some 7th generation scriptwriting software in a reality TV contest filmed at a luxurious eco-resort in Oz..a Russian military satellite has crashed nearby..leaking stem cells into the environment..Koala’s mutate into crazed vampire like beings that drop from the tree’s with a taste for human spinal fluid..plot points ramped up to..eleven.

Goodness Thief
A holy man is welcomed into a busy country town..people begin to change as they become familiar with his ways..until it seems they are being sapped of all their goodness and mercy..they turn on him and martyr him in the belief that they will be restored to their former selves

The Embarrassment
Creative and healthy …capable and talented..Joost is the constant victim of the wrath of envy..doomed to be endlessly *cured* by sick people..just to make them feel better.

ace of shamrocks

a diminutive merry fellow….always smoking a pipe
fond of rainbows..riverrunning..and journalists
an accomplished fiddle player
his smiling eyes are his hidden assets
..bushy eyebrows
dedicated his life to inspirational mischief
drinks stout from a pot of gold
never leaves home without his knobby little club
tho’ a wordy fellow with a sharp tongue..he is sentimental at heart
his patented magic dancing shoes have made him fabulously rich
he has a habit of wandering off when no-ones looking
always ornately dressed -matching buckles on his shoes belt and hat
fancy buttons on his green velvet coat
he always wears green..even has a suit of shamrocks
…lost the ace sometime back in the ’80’s
listens to Gilbert O’sullivan

Jump cut

Just discovered an excellent film journal  – Jumpcut…while following up on Metz’ cinesemiotics…and an essay that kind of relates to my previous post and elements of the raison d’etre of  Shadowloop.

Here are two extracts:

“The multiple voices (codes)in the texts end in a superior voice, a singular voice which finally silences all other voices. That voice is no less than the voice of the subject-author fully constituted by the singular unique textual system. In that sense the dominant code “speaks” as the code of unique individual expression and creativity. The text literally constructs a transcendental subject as the source of the text. To whom does it speak? It speaks to me, the reader-subject. It establishes a social exchange, a communication of meaning between subjects, author and reader, or more precisely, producer and end consumer. The text has become complete, replete, in short, a product. The textual system becomes the expression of the author. The unique expression of the author is the unique textual system.”

“The cinesemiotics of Christian Metz marks a crucial beginning for a critical semiotics of the cinema. The gaps, the contradictions in his writings point to the necessity for a genuine return to the text, not as site of finalization, as ultimate goal, but as opening, initiation, commencement into an infinitude of difference, play and pleasure.”

Metz and film semiotics:  opening the field  -Sam Rohdie
from Jump Cut, no. 7, 1975, pp. 22-24  ©Jump Cut: A Review of Contemporary Media, 1975, 2004

Jumpcut

Laboratory zen

My interest in drama and film is purely amateur..almost a year ago..being between jobs..I decided to study film.. I had already done some indie acting when I was young and smoldering and still practice it purely because it improves the choreography of pen, paper and voice ..being a research expert meant I could design my own curriculum …which was the whole point…my interest in film was twofold ..mainly to add more dimension to my writing…also in an effort to understand contemporary drama..After not watching tv for..like forever… I had just ponied up for a HDTV USB device..which worked really well..it was just a shame about the content is all..[pawned it after 10 days]..I also needed to amuse myself beyond select DVDs..I go through cycles with my reading…and haven’t been reading fiction since 2001 or something …tho’  I am a voracious reader still.. I rarely even read poetry anymore …just the facts thanx…oh and sorry, but I don’t care who wins the Booker, Pulitzer or Nobel prize… never did …probably never will and won’t ever read anyone on account of them either …anyway after another bullshit job in Mediocrutopia..I find myself between enslavement’s and in the second phase of a pointless learning curve..[I thought I should 'fess up to this to the 5 or 6 people who on ocaission visit this blog..-which is more of an online collation of unorthodox notes on non-existent curiosities of drama and film than a choice selection of biographical moments]…

I started out by stormin’ up loglines -300 in 3 weeks..I love a challenge..it was a wholly worthwhile and instructive process.. I learned that insofar as developing a compelling idea is concerned originality should probably start right there…and that it is not as easy as it at first seems..[even if you have been writing poetry for just under 30 years...]
Then of course there is so much fun to be had dabbling with plot structures.. I tend to consider it a kind of primary math meant to map dynamics of event via an algebra of character

Film and to a lesser extent, drama…also interests me as a visual artist… -something I’ve been doing longer than writing.. but it is the same appeal..the same mystery..the same challenge.. a visible syntax .. a narrative stripped of language… a transequential montage of symbology..universal transitions in plasticities of consciousness..the hybrid realities of personal iconography…the work of film theorists such as Mitry and Metz..have an interdisciplinary appeal that speaks for a structural order that wrestles with the urge to remain silent..

Poetic licence

A country manor…a harpsichord is playing…diverse small birds flit about a great hall..wine is being served…an artist is sketching some actors ..others pace about practicing their lines..dwarfs on stilts tilt at each other, rehearsing pratfalls, several poets are swapping couplets while a beautiful woman cradles her lover on a lounge..over near the lovers a fool plays the lute…eyes full of tears…softly whimpering as they neck like swans..the lover raises his head from her shoulder for a moment to say…

[Darkertower]

…be generous boy

…my love has lost track of my style
searches with sparkles strung trembling by smile
all composure outwritten by a prettier quill
and still…
…it’s all there

the luckiest look to see in her eyes
for just a moment more
breathing kisses to adore
a mouthful of rapport
…willowed in affections

I fear

…have me fainting here

his lipstick smeared face is again smothered in murmuring kisses as the boy plays on…until their pleasures are interrupted by an exuberant bard who gathers them all together to speak

[Spillforth]

I have just madly dashed by coach from Hushminster to bring you the best of news in the greatest haste..Prince Rufus has issued us with his royal licence…

[he commences to read an from an elaborately penned document]

Rufus I… by earthly graces and natural dominion etcetera… To all our ministers, Mayors, Constables and other of our officers of might or motion ..loving subjects. Know ye that we of our facility fond and worthy, exceptional humilities and mere merit, have licenced and authorized and by these flourishes do license and endow these our subjects; William Spillforth, Gregorio Darkertower, Bunter Toffin, Simon Pond, Kit Marley, Orlando D’angelillio, Winston Weston, Amadeus Strange, Chesterfield Defoe, Scarlett Hepburn, Constance Chatterley, Fanny Swift, Miriam Columbine and all others associated with their labors, freely to study, teach, practice, produce, perform and compose; comedies, histories, harlequinnades, grotesques, tragedies, masques, mysteries, pranks, shenanigans, foolery, japes, romances, bungles and pratfalls to shew or otherwise exhibit, to the utmost of their considerable talents, imagination, learning, wisdom, flair and finesse within a purpose built house henceforth known as Darling House and to be funded from the public purse..as also in setting forth about the ale-houses, taverns, inns or any other convenient places such as town halls, universities or cathedrals within the liberties of our free dominion and having our special dispensation of theatrical immunity so that they may refine their art with clear conscience…..witnessed ourself at Hushminster…this 23rd day of May…

©Gregory David Andrews 2008

Diet of Smaug

had an idea..as well as some red wine..began to flesh out some characters..perhaps I might script some exchanges beyond the 5 or 6 or so that inspired it..it’s unlikely..it woulda been secret anyhoo

Prince Rufus -Conqueror of Smaug: he has cut a dashing figure..little is known of his socio-political outlook..not known for surprises..being so young -the council imagine him to be easily managed

Atticus -Archbishop of Smaug:  amiable..very busy..more of a planner than a thinker.. loves parties

Cardinal Reynard: supercilious ..forceful..more threatening than persuasive..believes Parliament is not fit to consider certain issues..

Lord Vandalf  -Earl of Daintree: an utter enigma..no-one has heard of him..

Lady Parnell -Viceroy of  Smaug: charming…intelligent..sensitive.. decent.. scary

Sir  Gecko -Lord of the Ministry:  overall a good man..infrequently impulsive..cautious..instinctive…-yet with mediocre intuition ..imaginative only within design constraints ..a tad more superstitious than he should be

Flashman Tuvoc: charismatic..clever..passionate..creative..inspiring in the way he appears to be more of a risk taker than he really is

Field Marshall Cardioblast:  …never grew into anything worthwhile

looking up Goethe

In the round
While traveling abroad a sculptor discovers a 400 year old oil painting in an obscure provincial gallery to be identical to a bozetto he is currently working on.

The gatekeepers
A community of spirits that failed to accept their ‘inner child’ haunt an enchanted dream bridge they are unable to cross..

Fatima falls in love
A pedophile cardinal converts to Islam only to discover his secret online arabian boy lover is in fact an al queda agent named Fatima.

Sikh cooking
After decades of fruitless searching an archeologist finally unearths the fabled glass onion..said to reveal all the world in its transparency.

The little people
Anxious to exhibit to his foreign counterparts his Machiavellian decisiveness a ruthless statesman boasts that his psy-ops people  will ‘turn’ a well known atheist  dissident into  a devout Muslim…

the exile

It is a place of utter neglect…a shabby trailer bristling with aerials moored alongside a rambling shanty part consumed by ivy…a half dozen lazy cats lolling about on discarded car tyres…numerous car wrecks litter the yard…ham radio traffic from inside the van peppers the silence between passing trains..a chopper lands..a group of smartly dressed people hit the ground running..while numerous bodyguards stalk the grounds..two men and a woman gather at the trailer ..rapping on the door…the radio is silenced…no response..

Lenny: c’mon …you know its us

Luciano: I don’t know you ..you’re dead to me

Pete: I gotcha a cappriciosa from Farferello’s

Luciano: slide it through the catflap ..

[all six cats then sprint through the catflap]

Julie: Arty says hi…

Lenny: c’mon.. open up buddy…we’re still from the same streets..we went to freakin school together..

Luciano: Julie could you tell Lenny that those days are over and that he should just move on?

Julie: how could you Lenny? [stifling a laugh]

Pete: Lurlene’s still asking after you..

Luciano’s face suddenly appears at the screen…..he is unkempt…eating pizza..cats meowing vociferously

Luciano: she still doin’ that navy pantomime?

Pete: uhuh…yeah

Julie watches impassively as a bodyguard is pursued by an amorous goat

Luciano: I always liked that girl

Lenny: c’mon Luciano…c’mon in from the cold man…we need you ….finish the script..show me you’re better than that..bygones dude

Luciano: you hurt me man …you hurt me really bad

Lenny: hey… you hurt me too …you didn’t consult me … I’m not just a businessman

Luciano: yeah …well look who bounced back..

Lenny: I haven’t forgotten a thing man…everything…its all still up here..you remember them days when we were like 13…we’d cut Wednesday afternoon sports to hang out up on the hill..at the old town reservoir..we’d lay there sunning ourselves in our shorts after a swim..sharing a smoke..looking at the clouds..laughing at all the schmucks back at school..sharing our dreams..do ya still dream, Lucky…huh..do ya? [wiping at real tears]

Luciano: I dreamed that friends don’t leave each other behind..Lenny..it was just a dream..and Lenny ..try it from here…[tapping his heart]

Lenny: c’mon Luciano…I’m like a junky here…you’re my pusher man..I’m addicted…no-one writes the gags like you do..just a skit…huh? I’m beggin you. Just a skit…

Luciano: if I do this thing for you.. Lenny.. you promise me ..no-one will ever know?

Lenny: aaw …hey …forgeddabardit…

Luciano: you come back next week… I’ll finish it.. now..geddoutta here … your breakin me up

Clipping into their seats as the chopper ascends they all look very pleased with themselves

Julie: nicely done Lenny

Pete: you think he knows about the residuals

Lenny: what residuals would they be Pete? …[laughing]

©Gregory David Andrews 2008

splash

The movie Gothic fairly intrigued me when I saw it in my early 20’s ..principally as a poet who had just read Don Juan..also due to the eccentricities of Polidori..who happened to be so uncannily like some of the ’special’ folks I was sharing digs with at the time that I was quite astounded and became suspicious that  certain pathologies were more ubiquitous than I’d assumed..over time I learned that those who present as dedicated to change..often never did or do..or that the change was merely a ceremonial lapse of self..a rite of passage only to come full circle..of those that do..not enough can be said of them..-this tho’..not being the place..how a ceremonial lapse of self can lead to real change seemed mysterious to me..as most examples I’d encountered really only signified shallow transformations..

I became interested then..in the notion of deep ceremonial transformation ..especially as a writer  who preferred his characters to be unique as well as convincing..it seemed especially necessary at that particular point as I found only a few people to be actually convincing in real life anyway..so I developed a personal science of prototyping fictitious identities by means of immersion..[ nothing to do with sensory deprivation or waterboarding ]..this involves expert research..real experience ..keen observation..a perceptual rather than judgmental mindset..and so on..one becomes keenly aware of complex factors never seriously noticed before..oscillating capacities of self..-their ability to see themselves clearly or coherently ..perceiving their own behaviors with varying acuity etcetera…

Interestingly enough..at 44 I no longer have a high regard for the works of Byron..